"Do you want a boy or girl?" // Why this question is not okay

If you, or your partner, has ever been pregnant, you have been asked the question:

"Do you want the baby to be a boy or a girl?"

Can we just stop pretending that this is an appropriate question to ask moms/couples?
I find myself kind of irritated when I, or another mom, is asked this.
To me, the question seems highly inappropriate for many reasons, but, personally, for two main reasons...

It's irrelevant.
Whether or not I would prefer one gender over another doesn't really matter. The child's gender has already been predetermined before conception. I couldn't change it even if I wanted to. I guarantee that when you ask this question to moms/parents, 99% of the time, you will get an answer similar to this: "I don't really mind, I just want a healthy baby." THAT'S IT. That's all I really want. When you are carrying a human life inside of you, you're not really concerned if it is a boy or girl. Sure, you might have dreams or visions of how it would be, but when it comes down to it, having a successful pregnancy is the main priority.

It's personal.
For me, this question is very invasive. Asking me if I want a boy or girl (along with telling me, "You need a girl!" I know. I am fully aware that I have two boys.) can make me feel so many different ways. It is a gateway to a flood of different emotions inside of me. It brings up joy, excitement, and hope. But also anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, and hurt. These emotions don't just come from my overly-sensitive, pregnant self. These emotions are also coming from my experience in losing a child; losing my daughter. I love our two boys with everything in me and wouldn't change them for the world! I love having boys and I'm glad that we have two strong, smart and caring big brothers for the sibling(s) to come. But I also miss our daughter terribly... every day. Of course, I would love to have another girl, but after losing a child at 34.5 weeks pregnant, I REALLY just want a healthy baby. Whether I want a girl or not, won't change anything. And it's really not a fun question to have to answer.

However, if you must ask something...
 a  slightly more appropriate alternative to ask the mom/parents would be:
"What do you think the baby is?" 
I don't mind answering this question. It's less personal. It's my opinion rather than something that dives deep down into my soul.  I can answer honestly, if I have a hunch, or with an "I don't know." You'll probably get both, most of the time. And although I'm usually a tiny bit uncertain, I've been right 3/3 times.

The Lord knows us and knows our needs and I am confident in His plan for us. Even if it means 5 boys...

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If we will follow Him...

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This morning, I was watching Veggie Tales with my boys and the Lord was speaking to me through Josh and the Big Wall.
//
The first thing that they said that hit me was, "Sometimes God's plan doesn't make sense."
Which is very, very true. The things that the Lord has been pulling us to lately, don't make sense in too many ways. They don't seem like the "smart" thing to do or the "normal" thing to do. His plan is so far outside of what our plan is. It's so far outside that it doesn't even look like a PLAN. It just looks crazy.
This is really hard for me to grasp, guys. If you know me at all, you know that I am a very detailed-oriented kind of planner. I have a hard time when plans get changed. I have a hard time with feeling out of control. That's where God steps in and tells me, "I got this" (he has to tell me that a lot).

It is extremely difficult to step out and completely trust that He's got this even when it looks so crazy. Which brings on another point from Veggie Tales:

The Lord has given this land to us,
No need to fuss.
He knows what he's doing. 
We know that he will take care of us,
If we will follow him.

Our culture has shaped us. It has taught our nature to be self-reliant. Letting go of that control and trusting that the Lord is going to take care of our needs is very hard. It's scary. Especially when it has to do with finances. Trusting that the Lord will provide financially is one of the hardest hurdles to overcome in many cases. Do I really know and believe that he will take care of us if we follow him there? Knowing me, I will wander around and distract myself with other options thinking that there's a better one. Like I said, I'm a planner and I like to weigh the options.
But at the end of the day, he gently reminds me, "Yes. He does provide." He has been so faithful to provide for us, in big and small ways, over our short 4 1/2 years of marriage. Not just financially and with our physical needs, but emotionally and spiritually. He has never left us. Even in the times that it looked like he did because we were doing what we thought was best.

So why is it so hard to follow him to another city, state or country? Why is it so hard to follow where there is no job security or family near by? Why is it so hard to be faithful to him when he has been, and will be, faithful to us countless times? Because it's uncomfortable and we will be completely out of control.
// We know that he will take care of us, if we will follow him. I will sing that Veggie Tales song every day if I have to. If that's what it takes to prepare my heart for trusting His plan even when it doesn't make sense.

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25 Books of Christmas

I wanted to share with you a simple and fun Christmas countdown that I'm doing with the boys! I saw an idea similar to this on Pinterest a while ago and decided to take it on.

We will be initiating the 25 Books of Christmas countdown.
Each day in December, from the 1st until the 25th (Christmas), the boys will open one book that we will read together. It will be a tradition for years to come and can be adjusted as the boys get older.

25 BOOKS?! Isn't that expensive? Well, it definitely can be expensive, but if you don't mind garage sale-ing or thrift book shopping, it doesn't have to be. A few of the books that I am using are Christmas books that we already owned and have only read once or twice. About a third of the books are used books that I bought at garage sales and used books stores. It's also something that you can get the family involved with! I had a few family members that were excited to help us out and buy some of the books for the boys! With the help from family and buying used, my total costs were under $40. To save money in the years to come, I will use most of the same books, but add a few new ones to keep it fun.

I decided to use a majority of Christmas themed books and a few others. You could use any genre of books depending on your kiddo's interests. Since my boys are young and I will be reading the books to them, I leaned towards fun, interactive books and easy reads.

At the end of this year's edition of 25 Books of Christmas, I will post some feedback and a completed list of the books that we used!

I will do my best to share the book that we are reading each day and Eli's opinions of them.
If I can get my Instagram feed incorporated into this blog, then you will see the daily posts here.
If not, just follow me on Instagram: @captaintay

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