Father's Day Revealed : What True Love Looks Like

     I am blessed beyond measure and beyond what I deserve. The work and growth that the Lord has done in, and through, my husband is amazing.

     Ten years ago, he probably wouldn't have expected to get married when he did, let alone be a father of 4 at age 25. I'm sure he never anticipated being the father that he is and I know he never could have prepared for losing a child. Regardless of the plans and expectations he may have had, he has committed to growing in whatever situation God has placed him in.

     Words cannot express my love, gratitude, pride and respect for my man. He is constantly putting others before himself, sacrificing his time (including going to work on Father's Day), and he is teaching me, and our littles, to do the same. 

     Just as Christ did not come to be served, but to serve (Matthew 20:28), we should learn to serve others in the same sacrificial way. My husband has given our family one of the best examples of that servanthood -- a Father's Day tradition that he started two years ago. It inevitably leaves me with all the feels and in tears (of joy). 

P R O C E S S

     He sits us down, one-by-one, starting with the youngest and ending with me, his wifey. He tells each of us things he loves about us and ways that he is proud of us. He also makes a commitment to speak our "love language," to show us love in different ways as we individually need. He then proceeds to wash each of our feet.

     Some of you may be thinking that it's weird, disgusting or degrading, but let me tell you what it means to us. 

M E A N I N G

     He has decided to lay down his self-seeking pride to love and serve others. It is such a beautiful picture of the love that God has for us. It's an act of service that Christ himself performed for his disciples and encouraged us to do for others.

        When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. -- John 13:12-17  

2O15 E X P E R I E N C E

     This year's Father's Day was looking extremely different for us with our youngest being in the NICU (because she decided to come 3 months early), but that didn't stop Dean from pursuing his tradition.
     We had no idea what that day was going to look like or if we would even be able to have our kids together. The Lord has blessed us with a hospital staff that is, not only tolerant, but encouraging. We were able to continue with the tradition, despite our daughter being hooked to multiple machines and our youngest son not being allowed in her room. We were given an exception, just this once, for "religious reasons."
     It was as beautiful as it always has been and I was able to snap a few pictures this year.

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"Do you want a boy or girl?" // Why this question is not okay

If you, or your partner, has ever been pregnant, you have been asked the question:

"Do you want the baby to be a boy or a girl?"

Can we just stop pretending that this is an appropriate question to ask moms/couples?
I find myself kind of irritated when I, or another mom, is asked this.
To me, the question seems highly inappropriate for many reasons, but, personally, for two main reasons...

It's irrelevant.
Whether or not I would prefer one gender over another doesn't really matter. The child's gender has already been predetermined before conception. I couldn't change it even if I wanted to. I guarantee that when you ask this question to moms/parents, 99% of the time, you will get an answer similar to this: "I don't really mind, I just want a healthy baby." THAT'S IT. That's all I really want. When you are carrying a human life inside of you, you're not really concerned if it is a boy or girl. Sure, you might have dreams or visions of how it would be, but when it comes down to it, having a successful pregnancy is the main priority.

It's personal.
For me, this question is very invasive. Asking me if I want a boy or girl (along with telling me, "You need a girl!" I know. I am fully aware that I have two boys.) can make me feel so many different ways. It is a gateway to a flood of different emotions inside of me. It brings up joy, excitement, and hope. But also anxiety, sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, and hurt. These emotions don't just come from my overly-sensitive, pregnant self. These emotions are also coming from my experience in losing a child; losing my daughter. I love our two boys with everything in me and wouldn't change them for the world! I love having boys and I'm glad that we have two strong, smart and caring big brothers for the sibling(s) to come. But I also miss our daughter terribly... every day. Of course, I would love to have another girl, but after losing a child at 34.5 weeks pregnant, I REALLY just want a healthy baby. Whether I want a girl or not, won't change anything. And it's really not a fun question to have to answer.

However, if you must ask something...
 a  slightly more appropriate alternative to ask the mom/parents would be:
"What do you think the baby is?" 
I don't mind answering this question. It's less personal. It's my opinion rather than something that dives deep down into my soul.  I can answer honestly, if I have a hunch, or with an "I don't know." You'll probably get both, most of the time. And although I'm usually a tiny bit uncertain, I've been right 3/3 times.

The Lord knows us and knows our needs and I am confident in His plan for us. Even if it means 5 boys...

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If we will follow Him...

//
This morning, I was watching Veggie Tales with my boys and the Lord was speaking to me through Josh and the Big Wall.
//
The first thing that they said that hit me was, "Sometimes God's plan doesn't make sense."
Which is very, very true. The things that the Lord has been pulling us to lately, don't make sense in too many ways. They don't seem like the "smart" thing to do or the "normal" thing to do. His plan is so far outside of what our plan is. It's so far outside that it doesn't even look like a PLAN. It just looks crazy.
This is really hard for me to grasp, guys. If you know me at all, you know that I am a very detailed-oriented kind of planner. I have a hard time when plans get changed. I have a hard time with feeling out of control. That's where God steps in and tells me, "I got this" (he has to tell me that a lot).

It is extremely difficult to step out and completely trust that He's got this even when it looks so crazy. Which brings on another point from Veggie Tales:

The Lord has given this land to us,
No need to fuss.
He knows what he's doing. 
We know that he will take care of us,
If we will follow him.

Our culture has shaped us. It has taught our nature to be self-reliant. Letting go of that control and trusting that the Lord is going to take care of our needs is very hard. It's scary. Especially when it has to do with finances. Trusting that the Lord will provide financially is one of the hardest hurdles to overcome in many cases. Do I really know and believe that he will take care of us if we follow him there? Knowing me, I will wander around and distract myself with other options thinking that there's a better one. Like I said, I'm a planner and I like to weigh the options.
But at the end of the day, he gently reminds me, "Yes. He does provide." He has been so faithful to provide for us, in big and small ways, over our short 4 1/2 years of marriage. Not just financially and with our physical needs, but emotionally and spiritually. He has never left us. Even in the times that it looked like he did because we were doing what we thought was best.

So why is it so hard to follow him to another city, state or country? Why is it so hard to follow where there is no job security or family near by? Why is it so hard to be faithful to him when he has been, and will be, faithful to us countless times? Because it's uncomfortable and we will be completely out of control.
// We know that he will take care of us, if we will follow him. I will sing that Veggie Tales song every day if I have to. If that's what it takes to prepare my heart for trusting His plan even when it doesn't make sense.

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