Breastfeeding is Hard

Can I just be real for a moment?
Nursing, exclusively breastfeeding, is hard work.
There has been a point in each of my nursing journeys that I started wishing that it could come to an end. GASP! I know, right? I must be crazy.
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I love providing them with what they need. For us, breastfeeding has always been the best choice because I knew that I could do it, no matter what. BONUS, it's free (Thank the Lord because he knew we needed that.)! It has been such a blessing in more ways than one, but nursing is no joke! It has been extremely difficult for me. Especially this time around.


It Hurts, It's Demanding, But Rewarding.

Before Emma was able to nurse, I had to pump like mad. Pumping hurts! It's super uncomfortable, awkward and inconvenient. Especially when you have to pump every 2-3 hours... which I did... even through the night... for over four months. I worked especially hard at times when my supply would dip. I couldn't wait to be able to nurse so I didn't have to be tied to a wall any more! Thank God I had my husband to help with feedings because if I had to pump every 2-3 hours AND bottle feed her all while not being able to give her the milk that I just pumped for her... I don't know how I would've made it.

Also, no one ever warned me about the other pains of breastfeeding. Ohmygosh! I have had mastitis 4 times. One of those times was while breastfeeding Esrael and having extremely cracked nipples. Its hurts! I have had it 3 times since Emma and I started strictly nursing. 2 of those times being double-mastitis and within 3 weeks of each other, and 1 time a few weeks ago. It is one of the most miserable things to go through. I get a fever, super achy and exhausted, not to mention my breast hurts like mad! But I've lived through it every time. 

Strictly breastfeeding can be very convenient, I don't have to pump anymore and I don't ever have to worry about making bottles. But it also comes with inconveniences. When strictly nursing, I'm constantly planning things around when my baby will nurse. I have to limit going out or take her with me. Which has been super hard on me lately because I miss my husband! He's my best friend, the one I would always rather spend my time with. I want and need some real, one-on-one time with him. We have been extremely blessed for him to have a job that allows me to ride along with him at times, and I've thoroughly enjoyed it, but it would be nice to go to work with him by myself. I want to enjoy his company, if only for a few hours, and not have to worry about stopping to nurse or changing the fifth poopy diaper of the day.

With all of that being said, I'm not giving up yet! I have loved breastfeeding my babes. It is some of the most demanding work I've had since becoming a mom, but I wouldn't go back and change it. I am proud of myself for making it through each time. I nursed 12+ months with the boys and plan to do the same with Emma. It has been one of my biggest blessings and accomplishments. I set a goal and I met it every time. The bond with my children that was strengthened during our breastfeeding journeys is something that the Lord knew I needed. I'm extremely grateful... I just get tired.